2004-03-07 - 3:14 p.m.

7 marzo 2004

Oh, say, can you see, by the dawn's early light,

What so proudly we hailed at the twilight's last gleaming?

Whose broad stripes and bright stars, thro' the perilous fight'

O'er the ramparts we watched, were so gallantly streaming.

And the rockets red glare, the bombs bursting in air,

Gave proof through the night that our flag was still there.

Oh, say, does that star-spangled banner yet wave

O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave?

It’s been a while since this thought has been looming about my head. The doubt that I will be able to represent Americans while serving as a Peace Corps volunteer.

Today for the first time ever I read the words of the National Anthem and tried to sing it. Needless to say I do not know it by heart because I never was taught it. To say that I studied American History is just like saying a lie, because growing up in Italy most of the history I studied was focused primarily on European history, and by the time I got to college in the US I was already disliking history as a school subject and stayed far away from the history department. I never played softball, can’t understand the fascination many Americans have with baseball and football. I don’t follow sports. I probably don’t know many of the games and songs an American child learns growing up... and I am scared to feel left out as an American when I move to Mauritania. Not only will I feel away from home but I might also feel emarginated from the American group because I simply don’t “know” the simplest and most inherent American things...

Despite this I am an American.

The papers say it. My passport says it. I was able to study and work on US soil as an American citizen. I was able to vote four years ago and will want to vote again come November. I speak, think, and dream in English... American English. I get very passionate in conversations when someone is trying to bash the US without knowing or understanding it. I feel proud of being an American... do I feel American or do I simply respect Americans with a passion?

I remember growing up thinking I didn’t feel a nationality. Born in Australia, raised in Italy and Indonesia, with Russian and American blood, but an Italian family... I felt like I didn’t have strong roots. I didn’t feel Italian, I didn’t feel American, forget about Russian or Australian... I used to enjoy saying I felt Balinese! But that was because of my cherished memories of the times spent in Bali, with the local people, the foods, the colors, the plants, the water, the traditional dancing,... I felt a citizen of the world, and while I was somewhat proud of saying that, on the other hand I was sad because I couldn’t identify with a nationality, I didn’t feel a passion and pride towards one single country I claimed citizenship for.

Then I moved to the US for college and visiting Italy on vacation trips I suddenly felt more Italian, I saw in what aspects I had absorbed the Italian culture and values. I still felt a rift though, I wasn’t a “real” Italian, I wasn’t like everybody else. After being in the US for six and a half years and coming back to Italy before moving to Africa, I am starting to feel something different, a different feeling of wanting to settle down, wanting to find a “home” and dig my own roots in a community and help build that community, make a difference in that community. I feel like I want to be an American and fight for the America I learned to love and passionately defend in conversations.

In an unstable time, when wars are headed in the world by the US, with consternation from many other countries, there is an abundance of anti-American feelings. I do not support the current President, but on the other hand, I do support America. The America made of people. The people I respect and cherish. The America that welcomed cultures from all over the world, the America that allowed people from all corners and backgrounds to come together under one identity: as Americans. Americans who have a continuous desire for personal and professional growth. Americans that embrace change and fight for freedom. Americans who support the right of free expression and recognize the importance of human rights of all people, not just of their own country. I feel a deep love for the city of San Francisco, as the famous song says I think I really did leave “ my heart in San Francisco.”

I guess in Mauritania I will be representing a small slice of the large melting pot of American citizens in the world. I will be representing the many Americans who live and grow up abroad. I will be representing the Americans who settle in the US as “first-generation “something something”” I will represent the diverse cultural background typical of Americans. I will be an American on African soil, wishing and praying that the Presidential Elections’ outcome will be the one desired, for the good of all people. Not just Americans. Wishing, praying, and working towards the achievement of global peace. Not embracing arms, but rather children and women, connecting with people, helping them help themselves through the transfer of skills and the exchange of thoughts and ideas. Building peace to defeat war.

 

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